you already know this, but in case you get drunk tonight and forget: if someone asks what the best part of this song is the answer is when the backup singers say “don’t mean diiiiick” in the second verse (go ahead and sing it… see?) followed closely by their crooning “big black jeewwww” a little later. that part comes in second because it’s a little too on the nose. but those are the answers, should someone ask. which is likely.
 Writing about blacks and postmodernism, Cornel West describes our collective plight:
There is increasing class division and differentiation, creating on the one hand a significant black middle-class, highly anxiety- ridden, insecure, willing to be co-opted and incorporated into the powers that be, concerned with racism to the degree that it poses constraints on upward social mobility (ed. note: this is me!) ; and, on the other, a vast and growing black underclass, an underclass that embodies a kind of walking nihilism of pervasive drug addiction, pervasive alcoholism, pervasive homicide, and an exponential rise in suicide (ed. note: also me! holla!). Now because of the deindustrialization, we also have a devastated black industrial working class. We are talking here about tremendous hopelessness.
 Postmodern culture with its decentered subject can be the space where ties are severed or it can provide the occasion for new and varied forms of bonding.
Sitting at a table in the back of the downtown NYC bar is then managing editor of Gawker Media, now internet entrepreneur extraordinaire Lockhart Steele. That is his real name. He stands upon noticing the arrival of the only black guy in the bar, PATRICE EVANS aka TAN aka THE ASSIMILATED NEGRO:
LS: Hi there, are you Patrice The Assimilated Negro?
TAN: My nigga
LS: well, uh, you’ve been very impressive, shooting up the charts and what not
TAN: yo, your name is Lockhart Steele for real?
LS: yes. wouldyabelieveit?
TAN: nah, son. you playin… your name ain’t Lockhart Steele
LS: it is.
TAN: word. can i use that shit too, then?
LS: so i don’t know, what can i do for you? you reached out to me right, said you had an unbelievable offer to make me?
TAN: word. sorry about all those exclamation points, but i was high and shit and i was just sort of amped to be like getting some shine, knahmean
LS: heh, i think so.
TAN: but yo,
TAN: yo, here’s the deal. I need some paper. I’m broke, y’know. I’m a give it to you straight. Yo. I’m f’ing broke, son. And I ain’t talking Choate-Broke. I’m talking broke-broke.
So, number one: yes, this is mostly a true story. Now, yes, I am playing up my hood side a little. But I don’t think the truth is that far off. pretty sure i was wearing a big billowing polo shirt and it’s possible when elizabeth spiers showed up after that i was like, “waddup shortie, how YOU doin? can i holla after?”. ok, not really on that. but i def did say the “choate-broke” part, and i think that’s pretty raw for a first time meeting. some jungle animal instincts firing there.
and as for the term itself, “Choate-broke” is a reference to the name-droppable private boarding school I attended, Choate Rosemary Hall. a school that currently costs over to $47,000 dollar per year to attend. mind you that’s high school cooch, high school D, i.e. a lot of room for improvement, you will experience better. now any kid of high school age will probably talk about being broke countless times, but needless to say if you’re broke and attending a school that will cost minimum $200K to attend/finish, as we used to like to say while throwing in a 50-cent bag of chips on someone’s order at the corner bodega: son, you ain’t really broke. I’m broke-broke. hook me up.
and so there you go. choate-broke. use it in your next interview!
fair warning. i’m in florida, and thought i’d be taking this holiday week to do some sweet sweet intergalactically revolutionary blogging. but then there was no wi-fi. and there was a beach. soooo, y’know. but now there is wi-fi. so i’m gonna probably smush a bunch of it together, now, soon, before the revelry, and leave it at that. i imagine i’ll be out of dodge before anyone realizes….
i helped drew out w/ his funbag, and saw this headline and was like this is the most clickable headline ever created. i want to share it with everyone! i will always click on this! it can’t just be me, can it? (please say no)
and it would all be worth it for this
"But if this is a Drunken Hookup situation, where even the slightest pause in momentum means your hookup is OVER, then I say you let it fly as quietly as possible."
WHAAAAAAAATTT?? THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION IS NEVEREVERFOREVER EVERNENEERVERNEVERVRNEENVENERRNNEVERNEEEEEEEVVVVVVVEEEEERRRRREVERNEVEREVERNEVER
But! (snicker) now i would like to try this RIGHT NOW. anyone?
Neal Pollack, author of six books most recently “Jewball”, charts the spikes of his career as a writer from McSweeneys darling opening rock shows with readings, to his recent self-published experiment and all the sobbing into pillows in-between (and after).
with the images on the amazing WTF is Mike Wearing tumblr, I also keep wondering WTF is Mike’s Girlfriend Thinking.
also in the comments of the posts with his girlfriend you can see the “why is he with that white girl” phenomenon still exists (which i keep thinking is done and passé until bringing a light-skin to a dark-skin party, and/or reading the internet, and/or READING MY TUMBLR INBOX… anyways) … the MJ posts illustrate how odd this behavioral reflex is is since per the clothes he’s wearing out and about in public there’s clearly much much bigger fish to fry
I did some research on assist quality this summer, and in their player comments I mentioned that LeBron James and Chris Paul don’t grade out particularly well in this assessment.
But you know who does? Would you believe… Baron Davis????
It’s true. Davis had the most valuable assists in the league last season, and it wasn’t even close. Among players with at least 300 assists, Davis’ average assist was worth .841 points, well ahead of the league average of .667. And lest you think that was all from having Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan slamming down dunks, consider that Davis’ assist value didn’t change at all after the trade to Cleveland. More than half of Davis’ assists were layups or dunks, according to Hoopdata.com, compared to the league average of 38 percent; conversely, only 26.3 percent of his dimes were “bad” assists that led to 2-pointers away from the basket.
“But Cee-Lo and I started talking, and I somehow got off on this tangent about how people won’t take an artist seriously unless they’re insane. And we were saying that if we really wanted this album to work, the best move would be to just kill ourselves. That’s how audiences think; it’s retarded. So we started jokingly discussing ways in which we could make people think we were crazy. We talked about this for hours, and then I went home. But while I was away, Cee-Lo took that conversation and made it into ‘Crazy,’ which we recorded in one take. That’s the whole story. The lyrics are his interpretation of that conversation.”—
- black duck? - rap duck? - jheri curl duck? - afro duck? - black voice doing the quack-sounding “afblac”? - black duck twitter account, #afblac? - black duck tumblr (single-serving Q&A: “Yo is this life insurance really what’s poppin’ in the streets? Yes, yes it is.”) - mockup of black duck facebook page (and friends?) - sketches of life insurance commercials in “urban” environments - life insurance: not for poor people…. life insurance for poor people - BATTLE ROYALE: afblac duck vs. aflac duck - BATTLE ROYALE 2 the sequel?
NO, I MEANT “AFBLAC, NUKKA!”
pitch: The Atlantic, sincere piece about black people and insurance, title? pitch: Gawker: America is Stupid, Insurance is a Racket! pitch: The Onion, “Why Would Black People Need Life Insurance? (Ha)” pitch: The Root “Where is the black Gilbert Gottfried?” pitch: The New Yorker, there is a insurance racket empire in the deep south bronx, they also run/finance the education system. I have their ransom note. They go by… Afblac
photocomposite of a million tiny images of black people having accidents, ACCIDENTS THEY SHOULDN’T BE FINANCIALLY LIABLE FOR, composite forms larger image of the afblac duck
gif image: Rocky Balboa knocking out Apollo Creed, AFBLAC gif image, JJ Walker dy-no-mite = A-F-BLAC! gif image, Michael Richards meltdown, AFBLAC… AFBLACAFBLACAFBLACAFBLAC
photo meme: get some kittens in there (throw some kitties on that beetch). some puppies. maybe other cute animals with little casts or wheelchairs, AFBLAC
get a drake hashtag couplet in there:”know how I get them poppin’ in the club, asscrac/ but girl you broke a n’s heart, afblac”
let me know if any of these strike. I’ll send you some more later.
Louis CK posts a statement about how his “buy my special for $5 on Paypal” project is going. It’s going great! (he’s also on the BS Report today)
Alex Papademas called it ”the In Rainbows of comedy specials” which I liked. In Rainbows didn’t end up signaling a shift in how we sell records, as many theorized at the time, but I guess it’s still nice to see artists cut out the middle man and see how it goes. I also like CK’s view of himself as a content farm, “every new generation of material I create is my income, it’s like a farmer’s annual crop" …i love that perspective, every year you harvest some jokes, stories, metaphors and turn them into something. or leave them to rot (or be preserved) in your cellar. so simple, so organic, so sensible…. anypal, time for me to go milk the cow, or something! (the milking part is so gross)